Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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