FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
