where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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