apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
