Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
