i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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