The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
