Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
