i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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