Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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