if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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