New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
