We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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