So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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