I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
