Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

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(718): View more from New York

I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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(614): View more from Ohio

she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.

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(979): View more from Texas

my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad

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(216): View more from Ohio

I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.

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