but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
