If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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