He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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