She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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