Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
