Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
