I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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