The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
