that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
