and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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