i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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