while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
