she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
