It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
