In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
