come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
