guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
