You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's Friday. Sex?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
