my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
