I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
