who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
