Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
