so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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