Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
