no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
