I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
