you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
