I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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