if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
