If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
