Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
