All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
