I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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