put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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